


quick draw mcgaw

by idekman



Series: rewrite [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Comedy, Drabbles, Fluff, Foggy freaks out, Gen, Humour, Karen gets recruited to SHIELD by Captain America, Natasha goes to pottery barn, Pietro returns from the dead, Thor braids people's hair and is weirdly perceptive, headcanons, post-AoU, post-age of ultron, without bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4046116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idekman/pseuds/idekman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s three a.m. in the Avengers tower and Tony Stark walks into his lounge.<br/>He’s halfway to the drinks cabinet when he stops. For a moment, he considers going back to bed. Going back to bed would be the easy option. He could deal with this in the morning. Or let someone else deal with it in the morning. Really, he could just sleep until someone else deals with it –<br/>And yet.<br/>‘You’re meant to be dead.’<br/>Pietro Maximoff is sat on his sofa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	quick draw mcgaw

It’s three a.m. in the Avengers tower and Tony Stark walks into his lounge.

He’s halfway to the drinks cabinet when he stops. For a moment, he considers going back to bed. Going back to bed would be the easy option. He could deal with this in the morning. Or let someone else deal with it in the morning. Really, he could just sleep _until_ someone else deals with it –

And yet.

‘You’re meant to be dead.’

Pietro Maximoff is sat on his sofa.

‘You didn’t see that –’

‘ _Nope_ , no, do not do that. God, Barton’s a terrible influence on you. Who the fuck said you could have a catchphrase?’

He doesn’t even look worse for wear. The kid looks downright _chipper._

From the armchair in the corner, someone pipes up;

‘Language.’

‘And _you_ have been spending far too much time with – wait.’

He wheels around. A man with long hair and smudged eyeliner glares up at him from a magazine. He looks vaguely familiar. Tony thinks he might be reading Cosmo. Upside down.

‘Who the fuck are _you_?’

Wanda, who has her feet rested in her brother’s lap and appears to be knitting something very complicated, without the aid of knitting needles or, apparently, human touch, glances up at him.

‘That’s Bucky. Say hi, Bucky.’

Bucky grunts, and flips a page of Cosmo. It’s almost definitely upside down.

‘Bucky, like – like Bucky Barnes Bucky? Like deadly assassin, shot Natasha in the shoulder _Winter Soldier_ Bucky? _’_

Wanda cranes her neck to glance at Bucky, mildly disapproving – then shrugs.

‘He didn’t tell me he shot Natasha. We found him, like, a week ago.’

Tony blinks.

‘Does Steve know?’

Pietro scoffs, gesturing lazily.

‘Of _course_ Steve knows.’

‘Alright, Quick Draw McGaw, you can shut up –’

‘What does this mean, _Quick Draw McGaw_ –’

‘Never mind,’ Wanda interrupts hurriedly, flicking Stark a glare when Pietro is scrabbling for his phone in his pocket. There’s a beat of silence and then – ‘for fuck’s sake, Pietro, don’t _google it_ –’

‘Okay. _Okay_. So the speedy one’s back and the emo one who looks like he got kicked out of a boyband –’

‘Zayn Malik?’ Pietro pipes up.

‘No – he left.’

‘Oh. Robbie Williams –’

‘Why does he know so much about british boybands?’ Tony interjects, somewhat desperately, because Wanda and Pietro are starting to bicker and Bucky is still reading Cosmo _upside down_ and he’s pretty sure that, now he looks closer, the guy’s wearing an ABBA t-shirt that may actually be left over from the eighties and oh my _god_ is that _blood,_ and _what is happening in his tower right now?_

At this point, Steve walks in.

‘Oh. Hey Tony,’ he smiles, leaning over the back of the armchair to tweak fondly on a strand of Bucky’s hair and turn his magazine the right way up. His sulk lessens somewhat. Steve ruffles Pietro’s hair as he walks past and removes the cushion from Wanda’s hand that she’s about to thump her brother with, effectively dismantling their argument. For a moment, the room is at peace, Steve whistling as he pours himself a water from the drinks cabinet –

And then he freezes. And turns. And stares at Tony for a little while. And then;

‘Oh.’

‘Damn right, _oh_ ,’ Tony snaps, rushing a hand through his hair. ‘What the fuck is this?’

‘Lang –’ Steve starts up, then cuts off abruptly when Bucky huffs out a laugh. ‘Um.’

‘How long has _the Winter Soldier_ been in my tower?’ Tony hisses. Bucky raises an eyebrow at this, then frowns down at the magazine in his hands. Experimentally, he turns it upside down again – but, unsatisfied, quickly rights it, head slowly tilting to one side. Tony pauses to stare at him.

‘Doesn’t matter which angle you look at it from, the photoshopping doesn’t get any less fake,’ Wanda tells him from the other side of the room. With a disgruntled huff, he slings the magazine aside and takes to staring at Steve and Tony with the blank expression of someone watching a particularly dull film.

‘Like. Four days. Maybe five. A week, tops –’

‘It was definitely a week,’ Wanda cuts in. Tony supposes she thinks she’s being helpful.

‘How the hell did you _find_ him?’

There’s an awkward silence and then, to Tony’s surprise, Bucky offers;

‘Wanda did her –’ he breaks off, then waves a hand around his head. Tony mimics the gesture with the frenzied air of a man thoroughly confused and a little pissed off.

‘Her what? What does _this_ mean?’

Bucky shrugs.

‘You know. Her _mind thing_.’

Tony stares.

‘Oh my god. I’m surrounded by idiots. Did you all get lobotomies when I wasn’t looking?’

The room goes silent. Steve’s looking at him with wounded puppy eyes. Bucky stares longingly at his Cosmo magazine, abandoned on the coffee table next to him. From the sofa, Pietro folds his arms across his chest and asks with a glare;

‘Do you really think this is an appropriate question to ask a man who was _brainwashed_?’

Tony goes white. Fuck. _Fuck_. Sure, he’s an insensitive bastard, but he’s not _that_ much of an asshole. Honest.

‘I am _so. Sorry –_ ’

Bucky snorts from behind his hand. Steve breaks out into a little smirk, then a full-blown grin – then Wanda smacks her knee, cackling, and Pietro’s wiping tears from his eyes as he giggles, and –

‘You _jerkwads_. You total fucking _jerkwads_ – you know what, I don’t care – go on, go get fucking lobotomies you fucking assholes. I’m going back to bed.’

Their laughter follows him down the corridor.

_Shitheads._

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on twitter or tumblr. I would love to hear from you and am definitely taking prompts and requests, ESPECIALLY for this fic, so just hmu! <3


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